Fear
by CodeNameTargeter
Summary: My name is Tyria Tainer. Circuitry Girl and computer hacker extrodinaire. I am a Wraith. And i am afraid.
1. Part 1: Thoughts

**Part One -  Thoughts**

I watch everything around me. Time goes by, people go by. So many things had happened in those two months I was captured. They thought I had been healed in both body and spirit, but they were wrong. Dead Sithin' wrong. I now only had scars to show for my time with Daala on the outside, but on the inside, there were deep jagged gashes. I wasn't the same woman who had gone into the Knight Hammer to rescue Adra, I was a totally different one.

I hadn't been extremely brave or any of the qualities people thought all Wraiths had. I'd mostly kept to myself, staying in my room and my computer workshop, always trying to upgrade out systems, even the ones that we didn't need to. Now that I was back from Daala's tortures, things I wanted to lock away in my mind, ones I had not even told Kell, kept popping up, and I wished to become even more seclusive than before. The outward appearance I kept up was for my brother's sake, was no more than a lie.

Kell, my brother Kell. People said that the only two people who could control the man were named Tyria. There's me, his sister, Tyria Tainer, and Tyria Sarkin, his girlfriend, a Vanguard pilot. People don't really understand the relationship between Kell and me, even if they do get the relationship between Kell and Tyria. None of the pilots in the Special Forces squadrons have family they see often, unless you count the Skywalker/Solo clan and the Antilles who were both totally different stories.

Kell's my big brother and can be what I call overprotective and he calls being a good brother. The year I turned fifteen was the first year I started dating and it was also the last year. Our dad, Kissek Doran, had died when we were both very young and Kell seemed to think that it was his duty to protect me and scared most of my boyfriends away by sitting there tossing a grenade from hand to hand when they came to pick me up.

But my thoughts digressed from my problem at hand. There was a word to explain what I was feeling, but I was hesitant to even think it. I was afraid, afraid for myself, afraid for the people I'll leave behind when I'm inevitably captured by Daala again. Daala won't rest until she has Adra Tallon and me or until we kill her.

Unlike Adra, I didn't have the Force or the amazing flying skills. Sure I could beat the regular flying corps pilots but when it came to the elites, they vaped me almost every time when we were in X-Wings. My flight skills would probably make it easier for Daala and her crew to catch me. And then Wraith Squadron would be obliged to come and rescue me again.

Pretty soon, they'd get sick of it and just forget about me, except for Kell and now Cloud.

Cloud Ritril. Now there was a problem and a half. According to Nicola and Adra, he was head over heels in love with me. Id' never really taken the time to consider what he meant to me. When Adra had revealed that Cloud loved me, my first thought had been along the lines of 'run as far away as possible and take cover from the explosion that will be coming from Kell.' I didn't have much time after that to think as Adra Tallon had dragged me and Tyria Sarkin over to have us bring Kell back under control and stop him from blowing Cloud up.

When Adra has asked me how I felt about dating Cloud, I had blanked. She'd then told me to answer or she'd put one in my head. So I'd said that first thing that popped in my head, 'I wasn't interested in dating at the moment.'

To tell you the truth, I haven't really thought about it yet. Because I can only think and feel one thing, my fear. I'm a scared woman, a scared Wraith. Those two words shouldn't go together. From what Kell had told me, Nicola had taken on thirty Imps all on her won while they were on their way to rescue me. Nicola, Adra, Face, and Kell were all what some called the ideal Wraiths, minus Kell's overly enthusiastic love of explosives of course. All four were good looking, attached, excellent pilots, and all decorated with metals earned for bravery in Service to the New Republic and sported rank insignias other than that of Flight Officer. In other words, they were everything I wasn't.

I'm scared, I live in kriffin' fear. I don't know how I managed to survive those two months with Daala, probably wasn't conscious enough to realize what was happening.

There's a woman in Rogue Squadron named Lujayne Forge. Thy call her 'Rogue's Heart.' There's a woman in Wraith Squadron named Tyria Tainer. They call her 'Wraith's Heart.' But how can a woman who lives in fear be the heart of twelve without passing her fears on to the others?


	2. Part 2: Actions

**Part Two – Actions**

The world was a dark and fuzzy blur as I opened my blue eyes. I took a quick look around me. I was still in the Wraith lounge just as I had suspected. I glanced down at my chrono in the darkness, oh-two hundred. Great, it was already tomorrow. I pulled the blanket that someone, probably Kell, had draped over me, around myself a little more securely.

I reached a hand out towards the table beside for the couch, and the cup of caf I had upon it. I made a slight face, as I tasted the now cold liquid. Swinging my legs down from the couch, I discarded the blanket, grabbed my cup, and went over to heat it back up.

I was about to turn around and head back to my 'seat' when I felt a pair of eyes on my back. I froze, not moving a muscle. Finally, I turned to view my watcher. It was Cloud Ritril.

Muttering several curses underneath my breath, I headed back towards the couch, taking a long sip of my caf on the way there. Tucking my knees up against my chest, I turned to face Cloud.

"Any particular reason you're in here at oh two hundred?" I asked, not letting any sarcasm creep into my voice.

Cloud's expression grew closed, not giving me any clue to what he might be thinking, in the dim light.

"Not really, couldn't sleep I guess," he turned away from me, hiding his face from my view.

I shivered slightly from the slight chill in the room, I only had a think short sleeve shirt on underneath my Wraith pilot jacket. I saw the outline of Cloud's head jerk upward abruptly. Silently, I cursed and tried to get a hold of my emotions so not to give the Force-sensitive Cloud any clues to my fear.

"Tyria, can I ask you something?" Cloud asked.

"You just did, but sure," I replied carefully, doing my best to keep my emotions in check.

"Why are you afraid?"

I froze at that question. Apparently, I hadn't kept good enough checks on my Sithin' emotions. Tucking my knees up even closer to my chest, I debated about which answer to give him. Finally, I said softly, "Because I'm afraid of leaving everyone behind when Daala finally kills me. I'm afraid of what it'll do to Kell," and you, I added silently. Cloud remained silent, shocked I assume. Not liking the uneasy silence, I added, "It's why I don't want to get in a relationship with anyone." Good going Tainer, you could've done without that last sentence, I silently berated myself.

Finally, Cloud moved. He stood up and came to sit at the opposite end of the couch from me. Still not facing me, he said slowly, "So that's why you said you weren't interested in dating?"

I didn't trust myself to speak, I merely shook my head.

"Tyria, you don't need to be afraid. Daala won't get you. I _won't let her."_

The amount of firmness in his voice as he said that would've been strong enough to knock me back to the wall if it had been a punch.

I'm not a very emotional person, unless you compare me to say Jade of course, but for some reason, his words started to bring tears to my eyes. Quickly, I wiped my eyes on my jacket before Cloud could see them and turned away.

"Cloud, that's really sweet and all, but you don't need to say things you don't mean just to make me feel better."

"I meant every word of it, Tyria, every word," his voice seemed to be much closer now. Slowly, I turned around, letting go of my knees, allowing them to drop back down.

Hesitantly, almost as if he was scared to, Cloud leaned down slightly, bringing his head towards mine. Then after what seemed like five hours instead of five seconds, his lips finally met mine, kissing me gently. Shocked, I almost jumped away but managed to get a hold of myself before I did.

Abruptly, Cloud pulled away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.

I rolled my eyes. Was it because of biological predisposition that all males were so stupid?

"Cloud you idiot, I'm to going to slap you or anything like that. I'm not Adra or Nicola."

My turn to shock Cloud. He opened his mouth to reply but I silenced him by pulling his head down towards me and kissing him firmly on the lips. My arms entwined around his neck as his hands rested on my waist. Finally, we broke away as the need for air came upon us.

"Kell's going to kill me," Cloud said a bit resignedly.

I shook my head. "How is he going to kill you if he doesn't know?"

"Tyria, we've got Adra Loran and Nicola Afyon in our squadron. How long do you think we could keep this a secret? A day? Three hours?"

"If Adra says anything, I'll tell everyone about her little secret."

"And what secret would that be?"

"I can't tell you. If I did, it wouldn't be a secret. If you really want to know, get Face really drunk."

"Well that's helpful."

I laughed at that. "Well, after what happened last week, I don't think Face will willingly get drunk very easily, and no, I'm not explaining that either."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Which brings us back to my original point, do we date and keep it a secret, not date, or date and not keep it a secret?"

"Well, one of those options is not an option. Another one of those would get you killed. So can you guess which one that leaves us with?"

Cloud sighed. "The not dating?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed. Getting up, I kissed him quickly on the cheek and headed towards the door. "Try dating and keeping it a secret." With that last thought, I left the lounge and headed towards my room where I did have a bed, provided I could find it underneath my piles of computer stuff.


	3. Part 3: Flashback

**Part Three – Flashback**

I half stumbled into the lounge the next morning around 0600, tying my long blonde hair into an extremely messy ponytail, trying to clear my thoughts into something coherent. Kell pushed a cup of caf into my hands. Gratefully, I downed half of it, and stumbled towards a chair, smiling slightly at Cloud. As Kell turned away to fill a cup for himself, Cloud opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head slightly and mouthed 'not now' exaggeratedly at him. Getting the message, he nodded and went back to the way he had been before.

As Kell came to take a seat next to me, a cup of caf in his own large hands, he frowned slightly at Cloud.

"Hey Cloud," Cloud's head jerked sharply upwards, "I've got a bone to pick with you."

Oh no! I'd heard those words before, three years ago when Kell had found out about my last boyfriend. And then again last week.

**_10 days earlier_**

_I sat quietly, fiddling with several listening devices, totally ignoring the rest of the Wraiths, my mind on my work. Frowning slightly, I once again dissembled one of the less high-tech devices and went back to trying to make it better._

_I lifted my eyes up slightly as Adra and Nicola walked in. Nicola, looking much better than she had been earlier, went to go sit by Bror and Adra dragged Face back out of the lounge. Face tossed a datacard at me which I caught, put in my datapad, skimmed, and then went back to my work._

_Frowning slightly, I started to reassemble the listening device. It wasn't my best work by far, but it was the best I could do with older than space dust parts. Leaning back in my chair, I finally took a break from my work, just in time to see Kell looking over at Nicola._

_"What's this all about, Nicola?" Kell asked suspiciously. Nicola merely smiled and shook her head. Kell glared at her and turned towards me._

_"Could I borrow one of those, 'Ria?" he asked, his blue eyes begging. Rolling my own blue eyes, I tossed one to him, the one I'd just fixed in fact._

_Grinning insanely, Kell caught it and began to turn it on. Gaeriel looked sharply over at Nicola, most likely expecting her to grab the device away from Kell with the Force. But instead, Nicola merely raised an eyebrow at Gaeriel, acting like she had no clue what Gaeriel expected. I had to stifle a laugh at the fake innocent look on Nicola's face. Even though Nicola was sitting there, pretending to clueless as the rest of us about what Kell wanted to know and Gaeriel expected her to know, I was pretty sure she did and knew exactly what Adra was telling Face._

_But then again, it really wasn't my problem. Taking a long sip of my water, I watched Gaeriel summon my device to her with the Force and Nicola sent it zooming back to Kell. The look on Gaeriel's face was priceless, her shock was more that clearly evident._

_Ignoring Gaeriel and Nicola's one-sided conversation about whether or not that had been the right thing to do, I watched Kell set up my little device, Ryok and Cloud watching him impatiently on either side. Laughing inwardly at the three men, I went back to my work._

_I didn't look up until about ten minutes later when I heard Adra and Face come back in and Kell speaking disapprovingly to Adra._

_"Alright Adra, I've got a bone to pick with you. Care to enlighten us? I'm sure the rest of the squadron would love to know whatever Imperial secrets you told Face."_

_Sighing inwardly, I realized that there was little hope for my brother as Adra used some rough hand to hand moves on him, leaving him gasping for air. Turning back to my work once more, I managed to ignore the rest of the 'conversation' until my glorious sibling tried to tackle Adra. I looked up just in time to see Kell go crashing to the floor._

_"Was that really necessary?" I asked my hacking partner. I mean really! Couldn't a woman have a few moments of peace without datacards being chucked at you and your friend beating up your brother?_

_Adra raised an eyebrow at me, her temper rapidly heating. "It was just as necessary as his assumptions of my withholding Imperial information and accusing me of it. I'll leave you to weigh the evidence."_

_Now a bit annoyed, I gathered up my 'gear' and headed off towards my lad, mumbling about how a woman couldn't get a second's peace here. I opened the lounge door..._

And with I jolt, I was back in the present again, but not for long as another memory came up...

_I was twenty-one again, still in Wraith Squadron, still Circuitry Girl, but currently seeing a Reg Davund. Reg grinned at me as I opened my room door. Grinning back at him, I grabbed my purse and shut the door behind me, my fingers quickly keying in the lock combination._

_We'd almost made it out of the Wraith Headquarters when an all too familiar voice came from slightly behind us._

_"Hey Davund!"__ We came to a halt and slowly turned around. Surprise, surprise; it was Kell._

_"Hello Kell," Reg greeted the fellow pilot._

_"I've got a bone to pick with you," Reg raised an eyebrow. Both of Kell's strong hands came up and pinned Reg against the wall. "What the hell are you doing with my sister, Reg?"_

_Shocked, Reg managed to gasp out, "Dating her,"_

_Kell's expression grew stormy and I immediately wished that I had on my comfortable old flightsuit and I could suitably deal with my idiot of a relation. Managing to get Kell away from Reg, I grabbed my comlink from my belt._

_"Face Loran, wherever the Sith you are, get the hell back to base and to the lounge entrance. Do me a favor; get Kell very, very drunk."_

_A chuckle emerged from the other end. "Yub yub, Circuitry Girl! Poster Boy over, out, and on his way," Sighing with relief, I thumbed my comlink back off and shoved Kell into the lounge._

_"If he hurts you 'Ria, I'll kill him," Kell said fiercely, digging into his pockets and coming back out with a detonator. I grabbed it from him, broke the firing pin, and then proceeded to completely dissemble the detonator, only handing it back to him when there would be no chance of him completely fixing it within the next 5 hours._

_Grinning at him, I closed the door on his face and set off at almost a dead run with Reg towards the exit of Wraith HQ, leaving a furious and worried Kell behind. We'd gotten lucky, Kell hadn't blow Reg up this time, but next time, we might not be so lucky..._

And I was back in the present again, looking worriedly back and forth between Kell and Cloud.

"What might that be, Kell?" Cloud asked tentatively.

"How come you never told me how you made old Windu's lightsaber into a bomb?"

I almost laughed with relief, I'd thought for 5 very long seconds that Kell had found out about me and Cloud. Also rather relieved, Cloud launched into a full blown, half an hour-long description about how exactly he had done so. About how exactly he had done so. I sat there quietly, downing the rest of my caf and got another as various other Wraiths filed in. Ryok joined Cloud and Kell's discussion, Face and Bror entered together, worried expressions on their faces. I could just make out the words "up all night," from Bror and Face replying "Adra too," before they moved out of my range of hearing. I nodded in greeting to both Asyr and Elix as they entered, still a bit sleepy eyed.

And then Adra and Nicola entered faces gaunt and tired, but identical grins on. And they were headed straight towards me.

"So Tyria," Adra began, glancing at Nicola. "Can we, say..."

As Adra trailed off, Nicola picked up her sentence. "Ask you about last night?"

Keeping my face perfectly straight, inwardly I cursed violently, glad that Face had taught me how to do so 5 years ago. Raising an eyebrow, I replied, a large grin on my face,

"Sure Adra, but only if I get to tell everyone about your little 'dilemma'."

That shut her up. Adra paled rapidly as I opened my mouth to speak again when Kell cut me off.

"Wait, what's this about Adra having a little 'dilemma,' Tyria?" Kell asked me, obviously clueless.

Winking at Nicola and Adra, I replied, "If you really want to know Kell, I'd suggest getting Face really really drunk."

Kell looked between Adra and me once more before grinning and saying to Face, "Hey Face! Ho-"

He didn't even get past the third word before Face shook his head exuberantly and replied, "Absolutely not. I'm good Kell, quite fine. I just got over my last hangover three days ago and after what Adra did to make it worse, I don't feel like giving her the opportunity to be that mad again and repeat the torture."

Grinning, I went back to sipping my second cup of caf, trying to wake up. And life went on in Wraith HQ, though some secrets were known, and the life of one depended on my brother not finding out about one of them.


	4. Part 4: Telling

**Part Four – Telling**

I glanced around, trying to figure out what the Sith had possessed me to come with Kell, Cloud, and Ryok out to what they called their 'demolitions range.' But then I remembered that someone had to keep watch over these boys while they played with their toys. And it gave me an excuse to be with Cloud.

Currently, Kell was rummaging in his bag for the appropriate detonator with which to blow up the dummy that represented Daala and was their current target. Coming out with an illegal grenade, he turned towards Ryok and Cloud.

"Suggestions, gentlemen?"

Cloud nodded and glanced over at me briefly before saying, "Hey Kell, after you activate those, I've got something to tell you. And use Ryok's detonators."

Ryok offered my brother a box of the 'altered' detonators and Kell grinned insanely as he grabbed two. "Can't you just tell me now, Cloud?"

Cloud shook his head. "Nope, I wouldn't live to see the effects of the explosives."

Groaning, I slapped a hand on my forehead. Now was really not the time for Kell to be learning about my relationship. Cloud grinned at me.

Glaring at him from where I stood, I muttered half to myself, "Cloud you Sithin' idiot! I'm about to come over there and shoot you."

_You wouldn't do that,_ Cloud's voice came to me in my mind through the Force.

"No, I'd do something stupider."

_Enlighten me, if you'd be so kind._

"I really can't say it. Just try to tell Kell about us and I will."

_Is that a challenge, Tainer?_

"It might be, Ritril."

_Well I can't just let a challenge go unanswered._

"Your funeral. I wouldn't do it."

But Cloud was already gone. As Kell set the timer on the explosive for 15 seconds and we all ran for cover, Cloud said, "So Kell, figured you should know..." The timer hit zero and I winced slightly as explosions rose behind us. "I'm going out with your sister."

Here's a little tidbit of information for you: if you ever want to get my brother really ticked off or just plain shocked, just say the words "I'm going out with your sister." Well, as Cloud said the magic words, Kell dropped his entire bag of explosives, frozen in shock.

I stalked over to Cloud, muttering something about how men could be so stupid sometimes. Cloud smiled innocently at me. Still annoyed, I muttered, "You vapin' idiot," underneath my breath. Cloud put on a hurt look.

Rolling my eyes, I asked him as calmly as I could manage, "Was there any remotely sensible reason why you did that?"

Cloud tilted his head and looked thoughtful for a minute before shaking his head. "Nope. I figure I'll be feeling his wrath any day now over numerous other projects I've kept to myself so why not give him the easiest one to retaliate to? He's not allowed to touch me, remember? As his girlfriend so nicely 'asked' him to do, he's to lay off."

I rolled my eyes once more. Males could be so stupid sometimes. "Cloud, shut up!" With that, I pulled his head towards me and kissed him, momentarily forgetting that Kell was standing within 30 feet of explosives.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryok blink and look in-between a frozen Kell and me. Finally, Ryok poked Kell's shoulder. "Um... Kell?"

Kell snapped out of Mr. Frozen Man mode. "What?"

"Um... is he kissing you sister?"

Kell blinked. "Oh Sithspit!" He made a dive for his explosives as Cloud stepped away from me. Cloud narrowed his eyes slightly, glanced over his shoulder at Kell, and sent my brother's explosives flying. As Kell made a grab for Ryok's explosives, I stepped in front of him, eyes narrowed.

"I don't think so,"

Grinning inwardly, I caught sight of Ryok for once dumfounded and standing there stock-still, trying to understand the scene before him. Turning my attention back to Kell, I said, "Look Kell, I love Cloud. Cloud loves me. It's actually quite simple once you think about it. You're my brother not my father," "Obviously, Tyria! Our father's dead courteously of Janson."

Ryok's mouth was still open as he went to go collect the detonators that had been flung around. Cloud stepped up beside me and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, glaring slightly at Kell, who before all this had been his best friend.

"That's beside her point, Kell."

His expression torn, Kell protested, "But it's my job as her big brother to protect her."

"But not to the point where she doesn't have any freedom without worrying if she'll get you worked up,"

I waited patiently for both my brother and Cloud to come back to their senses. Okay, never mind, it wasn't going to happen. "I'm perfectly capable of that myself, Kell."

Muttering, Cloud nodded and said, "Yeah, what she said."

Kell opened his mouth to say something, probably some flip remark about how if I was so good at protecting myself, then how come I hadn't been able to get away from Daala.

Deciding to take drastic action and make my point in a way that Kell would have to understand, I cut my brother off, saying, "Kell, I'm going to make my point in a way that you're going to be forced to understand." I pulled my blaster out of its sheath and placed it at his head. "Kell, meet my blaster. My blaster makes me perfectly capable of handling myself. So, you can either let me and Cloud date like we want to, or I can just make my point very direct."

Kell gulped and nodded, trying to inch away from my blaster. "Alright, point taken." He grabbed his bag back from Ryok. "If Tyria Sarkin comes by looking for me, I'm in my explosives closet."

Ryok nodded sagely. "And Cloud is to be sent away, right?"

Cloud glanced at me, apparently waiting for me to put away my blaster before anything else. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to use it on Kell.

Thankfully, Kell shook his head. "No, I've given up on this. But Ritril," Cloud's head turned sharply to look him in the eye. "You hurt her, and I'll kill you."

A bit more satisfied, I reholstered my blaster. "I'd have preferred that without the death threats, but I suppose I'll let that one pass."

Nodding, Ryok still looked a tad confused. "Okay, then." Shaking his head slightly, he headed off back towards his lab.

Cloud watched him go for a minute, an eyebrow raised, before looking back between myself and my glorious brother.

Shaking his head and muttering things about how best to destroy someone who hurt me, Kell followed Ryok, headed in the directions of his own explosives closet.

Grinning like a mad man at Kell's back, Cloud turned back to me and pulled me towards him, kissing me again. Linking my arms around his neck, I kissed him back fervently, glad for now that the problem I called "Demolitions Boy Kell" was solved for the moment.

Pulling back from him slightly, I said quietly, "A demolitions range really isn't the place for this, Cloud."

Grinning mischievously at me, he replied. "Then how about we go back to good old HQ and find some place that is?"

Slapping him lightly on the head, I smiled slightly and kissed quickly on the lips once more, before heading back towards the entrance of Wraith Headquarters. For once, I really didn't care if Adra Loran or Nicola Afyon was watching. It simply didn't matter.


End file.
